WAR: UF/FoD: The Case of the Curious Kumquats, or ... Hello, Deli
By: Julia, Susan, Les, Nancy, Cindy, Lorin and many others
Time: Before Noon, Sunday, July 8
Place: The Hive and the Happy Souvlaki Deli
Everyone used with permission.

The UFfers had straggled back to the Hive from the Raven party, and
spent much of Saturday recuperating from their first party of the
War.

Except for Les, who had declared even though Mercury was *not*
retrograde, Pluto *was* doing some kind of wing-wang doodle all the
day, so he *was* going to go get that tattoo.  Plus, it might help
stabilize his adrenal glands, which were still working overtime
with the shock of having stood mere feet from Lacroix at the party.
On purpose.

So that evening he'd gone out to the Trophy Girl tattoo parlor,
over near the Fiendish Glow, and come back with a phoenix flying up
his left calf.  He'd even bumped into a couple of Cousins on his
way back to the van, one of whom looked like she was practicing for
the WWF Smackdown with a stuffed bear and dumped out her purse in
the process.

They spent the early part of Sunday morning recuperating from
Saturday. Hey, War is heck, especially on the liver.

As they sat around idly trying to think of what to do, Laurie asked
Julia, "Julia, what's with these .. er .. peculiar War post
titles?"

"Peculiar? I think of them as an ... 'hommage'," Julia said,
stretching the French pronunciation to breaking point and beyond.

"To what?"

Julia looked over her magazine at her friend. "You may be too young
to remember. It has something to do with Bill Conrad's bass voice
and sepulchral intonation, and tacky title cards. No?" She was met
with silence all around.

"Ah, well. Another sign of my increasing age, I guess. Well, if
anybody in this War can guess, they can e-mail me and ... I'll send
them some honeysticks, or something," she mumbled, more to herself
than to the rest of the room.

Amie, dressed to go out, poked her head into the parlor and said,
"Ah, Lorin, there you are.  May I borrow the Mini?"

"Sure," Lorin replied.  "The keys are on the table in the foyer.
Where are you headed?"

Amie surveyed the room, then said with a certain precision of tone,
"As you all know, Susan prepared dinner last night."

All the UFfers nodded, knowing that full well.  As they'd still
been in recovery from the Ravenette's party, no one had been
particularly hungry anyway.  So it wasn't like anyone had actually
*eaten* the meal.  But Susan *had* cooked it.

"As the kitchen is still feeling the effects of her... usage, and
as there is yet a pot of her "soup" simmering on the range and as
there is nothing left in pantry or fridge after her efforts but 20
jars of honey, half a cabbage and a can of kumquats... *I* am going
out for lunch."

The UFfers cast glances at one another, growing concern clear in
their eyes.  With Amie leaving, no further (edible) food would be
forthcoming until she returned.  With provisions.

"I wonder what Susan could make with honey, cabbage and kumquats,"
Marel murmured.

The UFfers rose as one.

"It's no fun to go out to eat alone, Amie!" Nancy exclaimed.  "I'll
go with you."

A round chorus of "Me toos!" lifted.

"Let's go to the Happy Souvlaki," Les suggested.  "I feel a need
for a garlic fix."  He'd not yet been able to shake the image of
Lacroix from his mind, even with the distraction of the sunburn-
like glow of the tattoo on his calf.

"Great! I've never been there. Let's go!"

The Hive at large was informed and all agreed that this was indeed
a marvelous idea, even Susan.  Only Laurie elected to stay behind,
feeling a need to catch up on her reading.  So UFfers piled into
their various vehicles, wearing various clothing, leaving various
pets behind.

"Julia!!!!" Nancy exclaimed.

"What? Oh, I'm sorry -- I guess they haven't told you: I don't do
descriptive writing. I do dialogue. You can write the descriptions
of the clothing, vehicles, and animals, if you'd like," Julia
replied with an evil evil smile.

"So that's how she does it ... " mused Nancy.

The various UFfers parked their various vehicles and walked into
the Happy Souvlaki Deli. Cindy, Leah, Kathy, Ron, Spifff and Senara
greeted the UFfers they knew from previous Wars, and were
introduced to new players, like Nancy, who looked around, hoping to
see Schanke.

"No, Schank's not here. He's working the night shift tonight, so
after breakfast here, he went home to get some shut eye," Cindy
told them.

"Well, that's OK. We're glad to see fellow Warriors, and to partake
of your excellent souvlaki," said Les.

The UFfers sat at the counter and small tables, enjoying their food
and discussing the War with their FoD friends.

Susan and April found themselves in a corner at a little table.

"Oh, come on, April! You can't still be mad about Spudley eating
your taquito at the Ravenette party, can you?"

April's eyes were squinted into very thin slits.

"He ate a little more than that, Susan! Or didn't you notice the
bandage on my hand?" She held it out in front of her face.

"Oh yeah, that.  Sorry bud, but if its any consolation, the bandage
matches your outfit!"

April groaned, and--carefully--buried her head in her uninjured
arm.

Susan let a moment pass before saying, "Let me make it up to you,
okay?  Tell you what, after we have something to eat, we can go
shopping, my treat, okay?"

April, knowing that Susan would find a way to wear her down,
finally decided to give in.  Besides, she had spotted a really nice
grey and white paisley scarf in the window of a very expensive shop
on the way to the Happy Souvlaki.

"Okay, sure, that sounds like fun!"

"So can we be friends again?" asked Susan, unsure if this was a
truce.

April smiled.  "Yes, sure, we are friends again!"

"Terrific!" Susan said, grinning broadly. "Lets shake on it!"  She
reached out and grabbed her friend's hand in a tight handshake.

"AHHHHH!!!!!"

"Oh man oh man oh man, that was your bitten hand, wasn't it? Oh
bud, so sorry!"  Susan quickly sat down and looked around for a
menu. "So, what looks good to you?"

Meanwhile, the FoDs and various UFfers continued to discuss the
current situation.

"So, what do you think is up with the TO vamp population, anyway?"
asked Megan.

"Dunno. But there's definitely something going on. Even Schank ..."
Cindy stopped short.

"Schank? What about him?" asked Megan.

"Welll ... there were moments this morning when he just, well, kind
of ... spaced out."  Cindy grinned.  "Kinda like he was pulling a
Nick.  And he moved out of the sunlight to a stool at the back of
the counter, and he ate all his French fries, with an *entire*
bottle of ketchup... but left almost half of his souvlaki!"

"Uh, oh," said Julia, always on the ready to offer support and
reassurance.

"It may not mean anything," Les broke in, "He may just be coming
down with a summer cold or something."

Cindy looked dubious as she nibbled on her food. "He just ...
didn't seem like his usual self. Yeah, maybe you're right, and it's
just a cold."

Les smiled a supportive smile. Schanke wasn't the only one who
wasn't being his usual self. Julia, for instance ...

As the rest of the room continued to chat together, Les sat silent
at one of the tables.

Julia came over to her friend and fellow Warrior. "Les, what's the
matter? If I didn't know you better, I'd say I was sensing a teensy
bit of ... hostility?" Julia knew this would be a long ... and
mostly one sided ... discussion.

"Hostile?  I'm not hostile, I'm pouting."

There was a long pause. Julia waited.

"You hurt my feelings... "

Another long pause while Julia waited again.

"You broke tradition..."

There it was. Julia wondered if a "humph" would follow. It didn't.

Julia rummaged in her overstuffed shoulder bag and found what she
needed.  "Here, I brought the handcuffs," she said meekly, handing
them over.

It was as if a ray of sunshine had appeared. Les smiled as he
worked the cuff over the chair arm and clicked it with a satisfying
"snick" around Julia's hand.

The FoDs gazed on in wonder. First Susan and April, now this ...

"And you thought *Schanke* was acting weird?" Leah whispered to
Cindy.

END