War: NA/UF/Cousins/RP:  "Can You Hear the Rumble?"  (03-b/?)
By: Everyone mentioned in the Arc, plus some
Place: A bar called Le Pughs
Time: Sunday night/early Monday morning, July 15/16th
All used with permission.
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With all the grace that befit her station, Laurie fumbled out of the way
just
as the moose charged past her through the front door.

McLisa charged also.  Stomping with List-Mommy authority, she ran out
of the bar and darted after her buddy.

"OLE!" Johnsie and Libs clapped from where they sat cross-legged on the
bar counter, near the kitchen door.  While retreating had seemed a good
idea at the time, the entertainment of watching the Mercenary boss lady
nose dive into the sawdust had been much more of a draw.  The
Ratpackers clapped and whistled until Laurie lifted her head.

The GHP blew a wisp of hair off her face and grimaced.

All that was left to mark the passing of Libs and Johnsie was a door,
swinging back and forth on its hinge.

"The floor seems to be a popular place," Caren drawled, watching as the
three Cousins disentangled themselves and tried to retain upright
positions.  "Should be help our distant relatives, you think?"

"I don't know," Jan replied.  "What would LaCroix do in a situation like
this?"

"Which one?" Julia asked.  "LaCroix/Nick?  LaCroix/Vachon?
LaCroix/Janette?"

"Don ferget LaCrow/Screedie Poo," Lib's voice rang from the kitchen.

"Thet doz eeet."  Henri punched buttons furiously on his telephone.  "I
need zee poleez, NOW!"

"Is that our cue to get this confrontation revved up again?" Arletta
shouted
at Caren.

"I guess we better," the Louisianan replied.  "These bar fight arcs are
only
supposed to be one-post affairs, and this is already exceeding that
limit."

"Yeah, but look who it stars?" Laurie exclaimed, drawing attention to
where it belonged, herself.

Mayhem ensued.  Imagine the usual stuff.  Bottles flying, glasses
breaking, pigeons fluttering, chairs bouncing, windows shattering . . .

Erik shook his head and rubbed his temples as he watched the growing
brawl.  He knew that the NAs would always hold the traditional bar
fight, but this was getting a little ridiculous.  Well, he wasn't
going to go there this war.  Nope, no fighting for the Nunkamale.  Not
this time.

Unfortunately, the problem with saying something like that during a
war is that the war always finds a way of making you go back on it.
This time, that way was through Erik catching sight of Supaige and Julia
trying to hold their own against the one they called "Perky Cousin Will."

And they were failing.

Erik stepped up behind Will and tapped him on the shoulder.  "Now
that's just not fair," he said.

Will answered with a left jab that caught Erik almost totally by
surprise.  He wasn't able to dodge all of it, but he did at least
manage to roll somewhat with the force of the punch.

"Now, hang on there." Dodge. "I didn't intend to..." Duck. "...fight
you.  I just..." Dodge. "...wanted you to leave..." Spin. "...the
ladies alone." Jump. "Aw, crap."

Meanwhile . . .

The Grand High Poobah decided that she might just require liquid
refreshment to sustain her health, before she left on her mission to find
her
astray Fairy and sponsors for her latest musical production.  She sidled
up
to the bar, placed her order then turned around to watch the battle
action.

Her eyes actually fell on inaction.  A broad smile pervaded the Poobah's
lips as she noticed the Mature Addict slumped against a far wall.

"Poor Patt," Laurie mumbled in contained glee.  The GHP ordered a nice
cold beer and carried the drink toward the Nunkwrangler.  Upon reaching
Patt, Laurie stooped and noticed that the NA's pupils were fixed and
dilated.

"This calls for immediate and decisive action," Laurie noted aloud to
herself.  Tipping the long neck, the GHP slowly poured the icy brew over
the Third Cousin's head.

Patt coughed, sputtered, flicked her tongue at the dribbles, sighed and
smiled.

Meanwhile . . .

Erik danced around another of Will's punches.  The Perky Cousin was
getting tired of this.  The little bugger just wouldn't stand still and
take his
punches!  The next time he swung, Erik blocked and spun behind Will,
and Will kicked his foot out and tripped the Nunkamale.

By the time Will turned, Erik had already made it to one knee.  Will
didn't intend to let him get further than that.  'Let's see you dance
around
this one,' he thought.  He balled up his fist and swung downward with all
his 170 pounds, intent on walloping this annoyance but good.

The blow landed, but not in the manner intended.  Erik caught Will's
hand as it came down, twisted Will's wrist, pivoting on his knee, and
deposited his adversary on the ground beside him.  Using the impetus
to haul himself up, Erik stood over the fallen Will.

"Now, if you're quite done, I have more pressing matters to attend
to."  Erik turned and set himself to the task of gathering up the
remaining Addicts.

Pulling Julia off of Arletta required finesse and a pair of tongs.
Caren,
Supaige and Jan each had one of Bree's limbs and obediently dropped the
burgundy-haired Cousin behind the bar counter when Erik so ordered.  He
helped Patt up and was hustling his crew out the back door when the
police, herding Johnsie and Libby, burst in.

"We caught these two outside, trying to get into the sewers.  They looked
suspicious . . ."

"Ratsie Oppreshon!" the Ratpackers wailed.

" . . . so we arrested them.  Part of the problem?"

Henri nodded and pointed a finger encompassing the entire room.  "Zay
all are zee problem!!"

"Stand still, you're all under arrest!" one of the policeman shouted.

The Addicts and Julia opted to exercise their right to engage in civil
disobedience.  They ran for the front door.

The rank and file stopped abruptly as the rank reek reached them.

"I am sooooo sick of skunks," Shelly muttered as she and her limo
partners trudged through the door.  She looked up just in time to see one
of the bar patrons go diving through a shattered window.
"I think I know that butt," the Cousin said.  "It was Poobah."

Tser, Tok, Deborah, Brandi and Celeste accompanied Shelly to the bar,
while Arletta, Bree and Will surrendered themselves to the police with
the
understanding that they would be taken from the tavern, (far, far, far
away
from the tavern) immediately.

"Bloody Mareezz on zee house," Henri said, placing the red drinks in
front of the Cousins.

Holding their noses, the Addicts and Julia eased past the scently Cousins
and made quickly for the front door.

All except for Supaige.  She noticed Tser's spotted companion and
immediately got soft fuzzy tears in her eyes.  "Pretty kitty," the Borg-
Addict murmured, reaching toward the small animal.  The skunk reacted
by twitching its tail.

Erik grabbed Supaige, tossed the Addict over his shoulder and mouthed
"Run!" to the others . . . who complied.

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