War: NA/UF/Cousins/RP:  "Can You Hear the Rumble?"  (03-a/?)
By: Everyone mentioned in the Arc, plus some
Place: A bar called Le Pughs
Time: Sunday night/early Monday morning, July 15/16th
All used with permission.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So, how many of those authentic, period drinking vessels did the Nunkies
Anonymous organization end up having to buy?" Caren asked as she
helped a limping Jan from The Publican.

"Only about $300.00 worth," Patt said, putting the Nunkies Approved
Credit card back into her wallet.  "Could have been a lot worse." Patt
touched her nose, then her elbow, then her knee.  Several parts of her
anatomy were the worse for wear, thanks to the fighting skills of the two
Knightly Cousins.

Julia K. breathed in the night air and smiled, then proceeded to have one
heck of a coughing fit.  Supaige reverently patted the UF leader on the
back.

"You came to the aid of the Borg.  You are worthy of serving our queen."

"So, are we ready to go home now?" Caren asked hopefully.  The other
four women just looked at the Louisianan oddly and shook their heads.

"I still haven't had my quiet little drink," Patt noted.  "My beer was an
early casualty, while I was using the privy.  Came back and it was wasted
.
. . feeding the flooring."

"Awwww, tragedy," Jan commiserated.  "Any suggestions?"

"Well," Patt began, "I know this little place . . ."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Is this some kind of sick NA joke?" Julia looked up at the bar sign, her
every bodily nuance radiating growing anger.

"Errrr, not really," Patt replied, her eyes fluttering innocently.  "Why
. . .
don't you like the name?"

Julia turned full on Patt.  "Le Pugh?  Le Pugh . . . in white letters on
a
black sign?"

"The tavern owner's name is Henri Pugh," Patt explained, pushing the
padded door open so that Julia could enter.  "Nice guy.  Hails from
Quebec.  Think he's distantly related to Louis Cabon somehow.  Or else
they served in the RAF together . . . I can't remember.  All I know is he
has
some of the best iced draft in town."

Julia muttered something undistinguishable, but nasty, under her breath
before going inside. Patt waved at Henri, who promptly turned, picked up
the phone and dialed the police.

"Better not waste any time developing this post," Caren warned.

"All under control," Patt nodded.

"I'm going to the bathroom," Julia announced.

"Is there something wrong with your bladder, or is just an age thing?"
Jan
asked innocently

Julia growled at the addict, who retreated quickly.

The Addicts had just gotten seated when the most awful caterwauling
resounded from the necessary area.

"Arrrrrrggggghhhh!" Julia screeched.

"Arrrrrgggghhhhhh!" Libs and Johnsie replied in unison.  Cake still clung
to their hair, their ears and their nostrils.   Johnsie jumped in Libby's
arms.
She fell onto her backside, skidded across the wet tiled floor and ended
up
with her neck wrapped up in the metal piping under the exposed sink.

Meanwhile McLisa managed to drag her now lame moose out of the bowl.
Seeing and hearing the chaos around her, she decided to also go,
"Arrrrrrrggggghhhhh!"

The moose, however, remained silent about the situation.

McLisa took her moose and managed to dash past Julia.  Libby and
Johnsie, in no position to run anywhere, just stared upwards from the
bathroom floor and tried to look totally innocent.

"Newspaper!" Julia  ran from the room, panting.

"Funny time to want the funnies," Caren noted wryly.

"They're coming up through the toilet.  Give me newspaper!!"

Patt fished around in her pocket, found a couple of quarters and got up,
heading for the newspaper dispenser just outside the front door of the
bar.
Her hand was on the handle, just as the door flew open full force,
catching
the Third Cousin across the bridge of her nose.

"Ouch," Patt said, finding herself flush against the wall, the door her
intimate companion.

As she stood there, dazed, three Cousins entered the establishment.  Patt
had seen them at various Cousin functions and knew them to be Arletta,
Will and Bree.

Arletta looked around the room and spied Julia vigorously trying to pry
the Daily Toronto from Henri's hands.

"I knew when I saw the name of this place that there had to be a Pole Cat
in residence," the taller of the two female Cousins purred.  "How's it
going, Julia?  Still feeling a little *raggedy,* what with turning fifty
and
all?"

Julia, wide-eyed and menacing, released her hold on the newspaper.
Henri Le Pugh tumbled down behind the bar amid a flurry of French
expletives.  Julia liked what she heard, and flung the expletives at
Arletta.

"Now, now, Uffish one," Arletta soothed.  "Let's remember that we're a
lady . . . aren't we?"

Arletta's answer was a series of shot glasses pelted in her direction by
a
very accurate throwing arm.  At least nine of twelve bounced off various
parts of the Cousin's anatomy, sending the brown-haired woman diving
for cover.

Bree, however, took aggressive action.  She quickly broke off a table leg
and, assuming batter stance, began hitting the shot glasses back toward
Julia.

"Foul!" Supaige cried, running to the rescue of her new hero.  She
grabbed
hold of the bat and the women began grappling for possession.

"Errrr, that was almost a normal response . . . from Supaige," Jan said.
"I
wonder if she's slipped the collective?

Bree won the bat possession contest by giving Supaige a mighty shove.
Supaige tripped backwards, landing on her posterior.  Bree advanced on
the buzz-cut NAer, tapping the bat softly in her palm.  The Cousin stood
over Supaige, ready to deliver the crushing blow.

In mid arc, the bat was stayed.  Bree turned to find a cloaked figure in
a
half-mask scolding her with a ticking finger.

"Naughty Cousin," the Nunkamale admonished the Brat.  "NA's are like
your first cousins   you don't want to beat up on them.  It might anger
LaCroix."

Bree looked toward Arletta and Will, who both nodded.  With resignation,
Brianna tossed the bat and walked away.  Then, fast as high mountain
lightening, she ran back and kicked Supaige's foot.

"WAAAAAAA!!!" the blonde Addict cried.

"So much for this little family reunion."  Caren shrugged.  She and Jan
had been trying to hold a now un-hiding Julia back, but the UF leader was
too strong.  When the assault on Supaige occurred, the NA's relinquished
their hold on Julia and allowed her to cannon ball into Bree.

Bree, in turn, struck Arletta, who fell down on Will, who landed on
Johnsie (who had just finally got out of the ladies' room), who collided
backwards into Libby, who ended up pronged by the moose's antlers.

"Get off my MOOSE!" McLisa cried, pulling her fiber glass friend to
safety.  She patted the brow of said animal, touching its LaCroix-like
features with tenderness.

Libby and Johnsie exchanged looks, then made a quick dash for the front
door.

Upon reaching it, they skidded to a stop, squawked loudly, and hot-footed
it back toward the bar's kitchen area as if their tails were on fire.

Patt, who had been stunned more than she suspected, was just now
attempting to push away from the wall that she had been embedded into
by the initial pounding effect of the door.  As she did, the padded
structure
swung open again, catching her just below her eyeline.

"Ouch," Patt repeated as she melded into the wall.

A fearless figure marched into the bar . . . well, fearful anyway.
Laurie
Mercbard, entered the tavern, her eyes darting around the room,
searching.

She whistled.  "F?  F Hugh?"

"We weel 'av no profanitees in thees establishment!" Henri scolded,
shaking his newspaper at the Grand High Poobah.

The moose suddenly bellowed and rushed the Poobah.  Actually, the poor
critter was just trying to get out the door and away from the threatened
assault-via-newspaper, but Laurie had no way of knowing that said
Caribou-Cousin had Ratpacker tendencies.  All she saw was 1,800 pounds
of Cervidae Alces americana bearing down on her with uncanny speed.

"Aacccckkk!" Laurie hollered before realizing she was the GHP and
GHP's don't *Aacccckkk!*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 End of part 3-a