War: Knighties/DH/I: The Vampbear -- "The Strange Adventures of 'Nicky Nightmare'" (1/2) Time: Wednesday, July 11 through Saturday, July 14 Place: Nick's Loft Precedes/Follows: As marked. All characters, Snixco trademarks, and locations used by permission. From the Vampbear's Journal: They say it was Wednesday, the day Nicky Nightmare sprung me from the Hanoi Hilton: ---------- Bloodsicles! Yum! Nicky Nightmare's freezer had loads of them, and I was HUNGRY!. The problem is, I was in the ultra-cold-storage bin and I was COLD, and it took too much work to get more than a few drops worth of bloodsicle (I need more!) Maybe I could open the door and get some warmer air in here??? Well, I tried, but couldn't do it. Maybe it was because I was too HUNGRY?? Well, I tried the bloodsicles again. Maybe "Hold Steinem" might be easer to chomp than "Gateway"? Not really -- but I did have a few more licks of blood in me, so I figured I'd try again. No go. I tried a few more flavors, hoping one might be more powerful than the others, but none of them helped, and I kept getting colder and CCCCCOLDDDDDERRRRRRR... (Help! Getmeouttahere!) I even tried banging at the door, but nobeardy replied. I think that Fire Opal said she wanted to freeze me to death... I-i-i-i-m-m-m-m c-c-c-o-o-l-l-l-d-d-d... and scared! (Did I say that? I take it back -- I'm not scared of anything, except when I'm scared...) Well, just as I'm exhausted collapsing to the bottom of the pit (NO! I don't *WANT* to lie down here 'cos then my fur will freeze over and I'll go to sleep forever like Procreates even though I never sleep an I'll have knightmares but not like Nicky Nightmare nightmares cos I haven't lived enough to flash back to anything and why would I take flash anyway? oh, is that another show, Androgena or something? an...) Well, anyway, I look up and see this strange dial with the number "9" on the side of the chest. Could this be a tempera cure control? I spun it a bit and found that I could make it go all the way to "0". Maybe that will help? So I force myself to count to ten an find that it's a bit more comfortable an' the bloodsicles got much MUCH easier to chomp on... Bloodsicles, YUM! An the bottom of the box got warmer an almost comfortable. I need to rest and conserve my energies for a good escape effort in the evening... ***** It looked like a Nicky Nightmare show, but I couldn't for the unlife of me remembear which one. I mean, I don't remembear any episode set in the French Revolution or which featured a strange man wearing a French flag and bunny sleepers... ***** Then, just as Scarletta is telling the peasants to drink blood, someone started talking to a cat who sounded just like Longlocks who was chasing me, an then I thought Longlocks (or was it the cat) peeked in wanting to see if I was fed yet an closed the door back on me, an it sounded like some Owen thought the cat couldn't remmemmer anything from that day 'cos she was thinking about something that interfered with her remedial Haitian when Nicky Nightmare wanted a drink... ***** A possee of carriages gallopped in, led by some short guy with a croppy-boy haircut and a bad case of indigestion an' he's telling em all "Off with their heads", an the carriages sprout Snixcomatic Potato-Slicer-and-Guillotines an' start chopping up all the peasants which makes Scarletta's dress even redder an hotter an it started sprouting chili peppers that looked like Elvis in Snixcoland Hearts an' someone said they hoped vampires didn't get sick from "Halley's Keen Yoyos (yeppers!)" which is strange cos that's southwestern an not French... An then Napoleon Pig runs his sword through the weird guy in bunny sleepers, and Nicky Nightmare gets to chomp down on all the sliced-up peasants but Scarletta doesn't like it 'cos they're not cats with keen yoyos like you can walk the dog with, an L'Etoile thinks its sick that Nicky's chomping down on humans anyway... ***** Nicky Nightmare? Chomping down on humans????? Something's wrong here. Nicky Nightmare *NEVER* chomps down humans! But then, I thought I heard someone say that Nicky and L'Etoile were trading places or something, only it wasn't a star, it was a cross (did they change religions or something?) an some sorta Whammy bran' juice that Owen and Sandruff were takin, so maybe it was happenin for real or summin?... ***** ... then the Keen Yoyo Scarletta yells, "Off with their heads!" an King Louis (at least I think it's King Louis) takes off L'Etoile's head only it isn't L'Etoile it's Robespierre (but I didn't think L'Etoile played Peter's Dress as well), an then L'Etoile takes off for Napoleon Pig who turns into a bottle of booze an' some pastries for Frankly, only Frankly shouldn't be there 'cos he's mortal and a lot later on an... ************************ The Loft. Friday night/Saturday morning, after Knighties: "Say Uncle" and before Cousins: "There's No Place Like Home" ----- "EEeewww, what *is* that smell?" one of the Knighties asked. "Reminds me of dead meat," another responded. Did someone forget to put the groceries away?" "Did someone forget to empty the garbage last night?" "Did someone forget to wash out Nick's empty bottles?" "Who's on kitchen duty?" Tracey quickly rose to check out the kitchen area. "Maria, Marla, come here -- there's water around the freezer!" "Damn! Don't tell me the thing's leaking?" the women prayed as they ran to see what the problem was. "Why is there a lock on the freezer?" Maria asked. "Was someone afraid Lacroix was going to get the 'good stuff'?" "Hardly. To Lacroix, *we* are 'the good stuff'," Marla sniffed, placing a hand on the freezer door. "That's strange -- it's warm," she said. "If the freezer's broken, the blood packs could have spoiled." "Which would be producing that (*ugh*) disgusting smell." "Well, *someone's* going to have to open it." "Wait -- here's the key," Tracey said, producing the small device and opening the lock. "Anyone who can't stand the smell *now* had better get away," she warned before opening the door. "Ugh!" The three Knighties looked in to find blood packs everywhere, bloody smudges up the sides of the freezer, and the bottom covered in half-congealed blood. Laying in a corner was a large-ish teddy bear, rocking slowly and rhythmically from side to side. "What *is* that?" Maria voiced, in horror. "I don't know... it *looks* like Brenda's vampbear," Marla volunteered, having met the furry creature at a previous convention. "But I don't remember it moving..." "Maybe she did another like," Tracey suggested, "and made it battery-operated. Could you two clean the freezer while I look for the 'off' switch? The batteries must be pretty worn down." The Knightie took the bear over to the kitchen sink and gingerly removed its garments, looking for the battery case. ***** "Maybe you can't find it because it's hidden under the fur," Maria said, as Tracey's attempts to find the bear's battery case proved unfruitful. "Maybe it's hidden under the caked on blood." "Speaking of which -- we don't want the blood hanging around when Nick, or whoever's in his body, comes back. Let's get this bear cleaned up." ******************************* So here I was, in the middle of Paris, watching Nicky Nightmare gorge on the Revolutionaries like... like... l'Etoile on a binge, Scarletta was the Red Queen of Snixcoland, an Frankly's eating reconstituted Napoleons (only I think they call them millies follies or something like that)... only he's wearing a pink How-are-you-an print shirt with yellow shorts, and L'Etoile's red bathrobe that looks like it's really Nicky's... But why are Frankly and Nicky looking at me like they haven't eaten in a month of Sundays? An' why are they looking at me with such hungry eyes? Why is L'Etoile dressed like a Croppy Boy? And WHY IS NICKY PURSEWING ME?!?!?!?!?! HELP!!!!!! ******************************* As the Knighties continued to remove caked blood from the Vampbear, a strange thing happened: his eyes flew open, shining bright gold, but with the vacant stare of someone in shell shock, and his body started shaking faster and more furiously. "Perhaps it's an electrolytic cell?" Marla suggested as Tracey wiped the suds from the bear. "A what?" "A battery where water or another fluid is necessary to complete the chemical reaction." "I don't know... " Maria hesitated. "It does sound a bit farfetched." The vampbear chose that time to start shivering and fall closer to Tracey, huddling and shivering, all the while showing a vacant bronze-eyed stare. ***************************** "Help! HELP! Get me outta here! He's gonna captivate me! He's gonna whammo rockemsockem robot me! He's gonna turn me into creamcheese jelly sammich!" the Vampbear yelled as he flew. ****************************** (Continued in Part 2)