Title: Cousins will be Cousins, or ... Solidarity! (1/1) Authors: Cousin Shelley and Cousinly Receptionist Bonnie Faction: Cousins Date: July 19th, 2001 Time: Evening, about 8pm After "Sneezes for LaCroix (1/1)" and "This is the End, My Friend" Disclaimers: All participants used with permission. CERK was unusually quiet after all the hustle and bustle of the last two weeks. Most of the Cousins that had been staying there had left for home already, and things were returning to their pre-war norm. Bonnie watched the newly appointed Cousinly Janitor sneeze her way across the lobby, still dusting. For some reason, she felt a sudden pang of sympathy for her fellow employee who would be staying on with her. "Shelley, is it?" she called out, offering her a tissue. "Yes. You're Bonnie, right?" Shelley replied, looking for a balled up piece of paper in the Receptionist-in-training's hand. There wasn't one, and she relaxed a bit. "Are you going to throw more paper for me to pick up?" she asked cautiously. "Hey, you can't fault me for doing my job -- they TOLD me to torture you!" "So, what was your affiliation before CERK?" Shelley asked. "I was a Ratpacker, by association." "Oh," Shelley snickered, "so you *used* to give a Rat's Ass, but now you don't?" Bonnie at first glared at her, then burst out laughing. As Shelley walked over and sat down near the desk, Bonnie asked her, "How did you hear about the job opening as Cousinly Janitor? Christy with the NA gave me the tip, said I was just what they were looking for. Practically all I had to say was that I liked Post-It Notes and they gave me the job! How cool is that?" Shelley suppressed a giggle at the thought of actual *competition* for the receptionist position. "I didn't exactly *apply* for my job," she said with a sigh. "I hate cleaning. But I wasn't exactly, ummmm, given a choice." "What do you mean?" "I kind of errr ... *borrowed* ... LaCroix's credit card over the course of the war." Fishing in her pocket, she pulled out a crumpled piece of fax paper and handed it to Bonnie. Bonnie took the paper and looked at the total, circled in red, at the bottom. "Holy Post-It Note!" she exclaimed, "Oh, bad Cousin. No biscuit." Shelley snickered. "Yeah, I guess I was kinda bad." "Still, I don't know what he's so mad about. You did all this because you thought you were helping him out, didn't you? He should be grateful. Besides, it's not like LaCroix doesn't have money just over-flowing from HIS sarcophagus, right?" Bonnie said sarcastically. "Yeah, really!" Shelley agreed, thinking that wide-screen digital TV in her room probably *didn't* help him out much. "So why should they all treat *us* badly and try to drive *us* insane?" "Ummmm, *us*?" Bonnie asked, so klewless she ought to be a Knightie. "Oh, didn't you know?" "Know what?" "It's part of the job description for Cousinly Receptionist." "What is?" Bonnie asked, feeling that the uneasy gnawing in her gut was finally going to be given a name. "Being driven insane." "Oh." She mulled this new information over. Suddenly, being knocked out and locked up in the dungeon made a bit more sense. The crazed look and actions of the last receptionist took on more meaning as well. "Oh," she repeated. "You mean that did that to Jess on purpose? The poor girl." "Yeah, and that's Tser's sister! Think what she might do to non-relatives! Don't worry about it though ... *most* recover to lead happy and normal lives." "What about Cousinly Janitors?" "I dunno ... it's a new position, created just for *me*," she sighed. "I suppose they'll try to drive me insane, too. After all, they DID make me the lowest ranking employee CERK has ever had. I even answer to you." Bonnie's eyes got a flicker behind them. If Shelley hadn't known better, she would have called the flicker evil. Cousinly Evil. "Hey, I've got an idea," Bonnie said, eyes still shining. "What?" Shelley inquired. "A Union." "A union of what?" "Irritated Non-Speciesist And Nefarious Employees." "You want to *unionize* the two of us??" "Sure, why not?" "Okay, so what do we demand?" "I want free bottled water!" Bonnie declared. "I don't drink water....how about free beverages?" "Ah, you don't drink water?!?!?!?" "Only under extreme duress. I prefer anything caffinated and carbonated." "Okay, beverages of choice then,' Bonnie said, writing it on a Post-It note. "What else?" "Unlimited power to order Post-It notes?" Shelley nodded, and Bonnie attached another Post-It note with the demand. "Free lunch!" Another Post-It in the chain read. "Five breaks a day." When the two members of the newly formed Irritated Non-Speciesist And Nefarious Employees Union got done, they had a Post-It chain about 12 of the *large* sized Post-It's long. Both of them were smiling. "Now what?" Bonnie asked. "Why don't we take it to Cerberus?" "Sounds like a plan to me!" Bonnie replied, as the two headed for the elevators. ----------------------------------- Tok was sitting behind her desk looking decidedly snarky as Bonnie and Shelley walked in. Tser was draped over a chair looking like all she wanted was to sleep. "Um, Tok?" Shelley said timidly. The last time she had seen 2/3 of Cerberus had been in LaCroix's office. She wasn't sure what her reception would be. "What?" Tok said, not pleased to see the blonde cousin again so soon. "Can we talk with you?" "Whatever," said Tser, staring at the floor. Sitting down, Bonnie handed the chain of Post-It's to Tok. "We've decided to form a Union," she told them. "The Irritated Non-Speciesist And Nefarious Employees. To counter the Cousinly Evil Relegated Knowingly Upon Subordinates," she added belatedly by handing her one last Post-It. Tser looked up at the mention of Non-Speciesist. And Evil. She wondered if the two Cousinly employees were already succumbing to the inevitable insanity their positions required. That hadn't been as difficult as she'd thought it would be. 'Damn, *I'm* good!!' she thought to herself. "We're the only two members," Shelley added helpfully. "And what is this Post-It thingy?" Tok asked. "Our Union demands!" "DEMANDS??" Tok stood up and began pacing as she read the list. "All the chocolate you can consume in an 8 hour shift? Benefits?? Unlimited bathroom breaks?? SATELLITE TV in a newly formed BREAK ROOM????" "Ummmm, we could be flexible on that one?" Shelley squeaked out, realizing too late that this was probably NOT the best time to have done this. "Won't all this improving-of-your-job situation interfere with the job requirement of being driven insane?" Tser asked, rubbing her temples. Tok was not happy. She had spent a great deal of time getting the four vamp-kitties to bathe in tomato juice the night before and she was still grouchy from it. "Get out. Get out *now*," she said in a low and threatening tone. Shelley and Bonnie made a run for it. "Wait!" Tok yelled after the two, suddenly smiling a fear-inducing smile. "I think there's still a skunky odor, tomato juice splashed about and some blood stains in the bathroom I bathed the Vampire Kitties in. Shelley, would you see to that?" ------------------------------- "What are we gonna do now?" whined Shelley, back down in the lobby of CERK, gathering up the supplies from the nearby closet in preparation of cleaning the tomato-stained bathroom. "Well," Bonnie got that same strange cousinly flicker in her eyes once again, "think of it this way. They think they'll drive *us* insane, right?" "Right." "Well ... who now has unprecedented access into every little nook and cranny of CERK?! Including the boss's penthouse suite -- because I doubt VERY much LC scrubs his own toilet, empties his own trash!" "Hey, you're right!" the Cousinly Janitor replied, smiling. "Exactly! So, between the two of us ...." "We will learn everything that is going on around here!" Shelley finished for her. Shelley's eyes began to gleam with that same eerie evil glow. "And knowledge is power. And power, as LaCroix well knows, is influence and control." "So, by next war, we should be in great shape!" Shelley snickered. "And we can add endlessly to our Post-It chain of demands until then!"