Title: You Want WHAT?? (1/1)
Authors:  Cousin Shelley and Arletta Asbury
            with input from Cousin Tserisa and Cousin Tok
Faction:  Cousins
Date: July 10th, 2001
Time: Early Evening
    Right after "Vegetarian Delight (1/1)"
Disclaimers:  All participants used with permission.


Carrying about a dozen containers of garlic-free tofu
souvlaki, Shelley was having trouble seeing the floor
and any potential obstacles as she made her way through
the lobby of CERK.

Jess, the Cousinly receptionist, gave both her and Arletta,
who carried an equal number of packages, an odd stare.
Then Jess went back to counting yellow post-it notes stuck
to her computer.  This was war after all, and she had seen
much weirder things sitting at her desk than two hungry
cousins, *Extremely* hungry, in her opinion, by the look
of it.

"OOOOOFFF," said Shelley, suddenly aware that Tiger had been
staring at the floor in the middle of the lobby.

Stumbling forward, events conspired against her as the elevator
doors slid open with a low 'ding' and 1/3 Cerberus stepped out
into a blur of tumbling boxes, Shelley falling, and souvlaki
flying.

As Shelley slowly sat up from the floor, she looked around
in horror at her surroundings.  Souvlaki covered the receptionist's
desk, computer, and the Cousinly receptionist herself.  The walls
had a smattering of it, not to mention the floor. "Argh," she said
unnecessarily.

"To say the least," said Tok icily. A few drops of sauce had
spattered her new white cat t-shirt, that had been a gift. "I think
we need to talk...my office, *now*.  Bring the rest of that ...
substance," she commanded leading the way.

---------------------------

As Arletta and Shelley finished explaining their theory about
vitamin U and how it could cause personality switching, Tok
sat idly wondering how this tied in with massive quantities
of souvlaki covering the lobby of the building. She sighed and
summoned another 1/3 of Cerberus for consultation.  Tser walked
in the office a few moments later and sat down.

"Hi, what's up, and what happened in the lobby?" she asked
no one in particular.  Shelley groaned.

"Shelley?  Arletta?  Could you go over your theory again
for Tser?"

Tser sat listening intently to the discussion and realized with
growing hope that this just might be the lead they had been
looking for.  If a lack of this vitamin really DID cause
personality switching in both vampires and humans, then adding it
back into the diets could be the answer to this whole creepy
situation.  She shuddered briefly as she remembered the slacker
in the General's body.  Some things were just *wrong*.

The two Cousins eventually got to the part about testing various
foods to find the elusive vitamin, and how they had very little
success.

"Until we went to the Happy Souvlaki Deli, that is," Shelley
smiled.

"There was this *wonderful* vegetable souvlaki," Arletta began,
getting a dreamy, far-away look in her eyes.

Shelley rolled her own eyes and said "but that one turned shocking
pink.  THEN we tried the tofu variety," she smiled and paused for
dramatic effect.  Seeing the impatient look on Tok's face, she
hurriedly began again.  "It slowly turned a light uhhhh ... shocking
... no, uhh ... neon ... uhhhh ... electric ... *somecolor*!
Meaning, of course, there was vitamin U in it!"

It was Arletta's turn to roll her eyes.  "ELECTRIC BLUE ... ELECTRIC
BLUE!!!  IT TURNED ELECTRIC BLUE!!!!!" Dropping her head into her
hands, she kept muttering "blue, electric blue.  What's so hard about
remembering that? ...."

2/3 of Cerberus looked at each other, then decided not to ask.  "Go
on?" Tser prodded.

"Well, we remembered that ALL types of Souvlaki have garlic in them,
which isn't the best thing ...."

"Right."

"So, we ordered garlic-free tofu souvlaki and tested it.  It turned,
uhhhh, t-t-that same color," Shelley stammered, looking fearfully
at Arletta.

"And since the color was so faint, we knew it must not contain a lot
of the essential vitamin.  So we ordered a whole bunch of it with the
idea of trying to get LaCroix to eat it and supplement his vitamin U
intake," Arletta sighed.

"Which is what we were doing in the lobby with all the boxes," Shelley
finished.  "He'll need to eat a LOT of it."

Tok brushed the still noticeable spots on her new cat t-shirt as she
remembered.

"It's just pseudo-scientific enough that it might work," Tser said.
She was anxious to try anything that *might* cure her General.
"And it's even vegetarian!  Now we'll just have to convince LaCroix
to eat the souvlaki."  [Just? This could prove to be difficult], Tser
thought.

--------------------------------------------

"Pardon me, Cousin Tserisa?" LaCroix said in a low tone.  The four
Cousins looked at each other, then back to the ancient vampire.
Arletta and Shelley were trying to hide behind Tser and Tok,
with only limited success.  "You'd like me to ... what?"

Cousin Tserisa avoided looking at LaCroix, swallowing hard.  She
felt guilty ... she was worse than Nat pushing protein shakes on Nick.

Tser cleared her throat and looked at the floor.  "Um, well....  We
think it may help to stop you from -- from switching anymore," she
mumbled.  Then she pointed at the two non-Leaderly Cousins.  "It was
their idea!"

LaCroix fixed his glare on the frightened pair. "Explain," was
all he said.

"W-w-well, uhhhh, there's this vitamin, see, and uhhh ...." Shelley
squeaked under the unblinking glare.

"Vitamin U," Arletta added.  "It uhhhh, regulates brain chemistry
associated with ...."  The Light Cousin stopped dead in her tracks
as she tried to imagine telling *LaCroix* that they thought he had
a *psychological* disorder.  She turned pale and fell into a
conveniently located chair.

Shelley also turned pale, but picked up where her partner had
left off anyway.  She was a bit more afraid of *not* speaking
than speaking at that moment.  "When the b-b-brain chemistry is
off, s-s-sometimes the switching can occur."

"If this is such a problem, then why hasn't it happened before?"
asked the General, sounding skeptical.

"W-w-we don't know sir, but we did have a lot of trouble finding
the vitamin in food and b-b-beverages in Toronto....maybe there's
a shortage of it suddenly ... for s-s-some reason?" Shelley
finished.

"And so then, *you* say the cure is?"

"T-t-t-to eat tofu souvlaki," Shelley cringed as she said it.

"Hummmmf," was the dismissive reply.

"Garlic-free," Arletta who had finally found her voice again,
offered timidly.

"S-sir?" Tok tried, "It's the kind of creative thinking we need to
encourage to solve this problem."

"And just *where* did you learn of this remedy?" His glare was fixed
on the blonde non-Leaderly Cousin.

"Onnn ... the Internet," Shelley stammered.

LaCroix glowered, "and you rely on *just* that questionable source?"

"No, there was an old book ...." Arletta hesitated as his glare shifted
to her. "Uh ... we found it at ... uh ...." she suddenly realized that
mentioning a monastery might not be the best idea, "a ... a really old
library ... I'm *positive* it w-was written by a ... a vitamin expert!
And ... and his book said that a deficiency caused bizarre behavior."

"The situation *is* bizarre," Tok interjected,  "... and if it stops
you from becoming Screed again ...."  A shudder ran through her.

At that comment, LaCroix apparently made up his mind.  "Very well,
where is the table and chef?"

"C-c-chef?" Shelley squeaked out, looking very pale.  "W-w-we have
some in these b-b-boxes?"

"Boxes?" the General demanded.  "You wish me to eat BOXED food?"

Tser cringed.  "Of course not, Sir!" she responded, shaking her head
vigorously, and looking back and forth, searching for a solution ... a
plan ... anything.

Tok came to her rescue. "We'll order a table ... and a silk table
cloth ... and, uh ... candles .... " thinking [then it won't *look*
like boxed food].

Satisfied, the Cousins filed out of LaCroix's private quarters much
relieved.  Tser and Tok were busy discussing the details of the
upcoming meal event, trying to make sure that everything would be
just right. Shelley and Arletta made their escape down the halls
of CERK when 2/3 of Cerberus wasn't looking.

------------------------------------

LaCroix sat at a finely appointed table in his private quarters.
A white silk tablecloth was strung elegantly over the table, and
candles adorned the middle of it.  The finest in silverware sat on
either side of a fine Lenox china plate.  Everything was the finest
money could buy, at least on only an hour's notice.

LaCroix himself looked less than enthused as the mass of garlic-free
tofu souvlaki made it's way to the plate in front of him.  Aware that
his followers were watching him intently, he purposefully picked up a
fork and cut into the vile dish.  Willing himself not to react, he
placed the bit of food into his mouth and chewed...distastefully.
Finally, he swallowed.

The room was perfectly silent watching for a reaction.  Any reaction.
LaCroix looked at Tser and said, "is that it?"

"I ... I don't think that's enough, Sir," Tser said, fidgeting.  "The
vitamin U didn't prove to be very concentrated.  It'd be best if you
ate it all."

"ALL?  All this on my plate??" he asked, incredulously.  This was
becoming unacceptable.

"N-no," Tser squeaked, "not all on your *plate*, ALL of it, General,"
Tser said, pointing to a serving cart that had previously been hidden
behind the Cousin.  On it lay enough to feed everyone in the building
... with some left over.

Tok saw a Styrofoam lid from one of the boxes of food sticking out of
the bottom of the cart.  Kicking it out of sight, she prayed LaCroix
hadn't seen it.

Glaring at all the Cousins gathered around, LaCroix purposefully took
another bite.  And another.  Suddenly, he experienced something that
he hadn't had to deal with in a *very* long time.

Looking concerned, Tok asked "Are you all right, s-sir?"

"I don't believe I am.  I believe I have what you *mortals* call
a.....digestive upset."
******************