War:  Cousins:  Spoonerisms Cake The Take  (1/2)

by Cousine Celeste

Appearances by Cousins Tser, Tok, Will, and Bree, with thanks.

The Raven party
July 6,  a little past 7pm

 From the “FK War Can Be Fun… and Educational!” chapter of “FK War for
Dummies”:
“The Reverend William Archibald Spooner was renowned for his amusing verbal
slips, so much
so that today such linguistic accidents are known as Spoonerisms.”


The Raven was a sight for sore eyes and decorated to the hilt, the music
was loud, and the party in full swing when Cousine Celeste arrived shortly
after 7pm, but she was not in a party mood.  She staggered to the bar and
accepted a tall, salt-rimmed  marguerita-on-the-rocks from the tall, dark
and vampiric Raven barkeep, Miklos.  He had begun squeezing the limes the
moment he’d noticed the Cousine’s entrance, way over on the other side of
the dance floor.  Throwing a grateful glance at Miklos, she accepted the
drink, hands shaking.  Before taking her first sip, she dumped a lemon-lime
Emer’gen-C packet of fizzy vitamins into the frothy yumminess and stirred,
only then sucking down a huge slurp.

“Mmmmm.  Nutritious *and* deeee-licious,” muttered the Cousine.  She
pressed the cold glass to her forehead.  The War had loomed up on the
Cousine’s horizon without warning and, unprepared, her nervous system was
rebelling.  Also her stomach.  Her brain didn’t seem to be working on all
cylinders, either, but now that she could feel the Emer’gen-C already
seeping into her system, she knew everything would be all right…
eventually.  Toad the Wet Sprocket’s excellent “Little Heaven” played in
the background, sending her to her Happy Place….

A cheery “Hi, Cousine Celeste!” jolted her consciousness out of the cool,
lime-green holy contemplation it was kvelling in, and the Cousine opened
her eyes to behold the smiling face of Cousin Will.

“Go help me sod… I mean, so help me god, you nearly scare me outa ten years
growth…,” the Cousine trailed off as she took in he who had so perkily
greeted her… now, what was wrong with *this* picture?  “You… you’re wearing
*black*? You *are*! You are wearing black!” she said, in awe.  And so he
was.  Black denim jeans, black shirt.  Very un-Cousin-Will-like.

His smile was undimmed, but his eyes took on a rueful
look.  “Yeah.  Ironically, I can finally get into Sanctuary, only to find
out that it’s closed down now.  I think they changed it over into an old
age home.”

“Jeez.  I wonder if they still have that strict dress code?” mused the
Cousine.  The image of little old ladies being vetted for properly blue
hair and unbesmirched white tennis sneakers by a large unsympathetic door
guy -- held over from his job as door guy for the Vampire Sex Bar… a job’s
a job, after all -- flitted through her mind’s eye.  She shook her
head.  “So, where ya bin?  I hung out at CERK all day today and I never saw
you.”

“Ah, you know me.  ‘Speed of Will’, late as usual.”  The Cousin looked over
the crowd.  “Where’s Cousin Lisa?”

“Lisa, Lisa?  Or McLisa, Lisa?”

Will looked confused for a moment, as he unspooled the Lisa-heavy sentence
before responding. “Uh.  Either one.  Though I meant the one you usually
hang with in a War, Cousin Lisa Prince.”

“Oh, it is a sad tale.  She did not get her warning of the War in time to
schedule a window in her calendar for it, and so I am Prince-less this
War.”  The  Cousine took another draught of her vitamin-laden marguerita
before wailing, “I MISS LISA PRINCE!!!!”

“Yeah, me, too,” said Will.  “Both of them.”

“Huh?  Whaddaya mean?  Don’t you know There Can Be Only One?”

As if on cue, a new song began to blare out over the Raven’s sound system,
as Freddie Mercury belted out:  *Heeeere we are!  Born to be kings, we’re
the princes of the you-ni-verse!*

“Well, there you go, ‘Princes of the universe,’ plural.”  Will grinned at
his own cleverness. “Actually, what I mean is that I know two Lisa Princes
in fandom.  You wouldn’t think it was that common a name…”

“Freaky,” nodded the Cousine.  “Could you give the other one a call and get
her the heck over here?  ‘Cos I don’t think I can get through this War
without a Lisa Prince.”


To be continued in:  Spoonerisms Cake The Take  (part 2 of 2)

Cousine Celeste and Gozer the Gozarian
gozer@channel1.com