Title: "A Receptionist By Any Other Name Wouldn't Be So Gullible"
       or "Have Post-It Note Will Recept"
By Cousin Tserisa and Bonnie (Not-the-Llama) Pardoe
Time: Monday, July 15th, and Tuesday, July 16th, before the FoD party
Follows: "The Truth (And Other Fine Things) Exposed! (2/2)"
Place: CERK

* * * * *

Some time Monday:

Jess sat at the Receptionist's desk, spinning in her spinny office chair,
making red/blue spectrum shift noises.

"NrrrrrOOWRRRRrrrrrnnnn," she said.  "NnnnnrrrrrrRRRNNNNNnnnnnnn."  The
phone rang and she reached over and picked it up.  "CERK, front desk," Jess
answered, still spinning.

"Hello, my name is Bonnie Pardoe," the voice on the other end of the phone
said.  "I'm inquiring after the position of Cousinly Receptionist."

Jess pursed her lips.  "Oh, you are, are you?"  She spun around and around.
"Guess what?"

Bonnie paused.  "What?"

"I love the Doppler Effect.  NrrrrOOOWNNNnnnnnnnn."

"Oh... um, whom would I speak with about the position?"

"Oh, that," Jess said, her spinning slowing as she was wrapped in more and
more phone cord.  "One of the Heads of Cerberus I suppose."

Heads of Cerberus... that was the Cousins' body of leadership if Bonnie
wasn't mistaken.  "May I arrange an interview with them?"

"Okay," Jess said.  Spin.  "I'll make Tser talk to you.  How about tomorrow
at 2:00 PM?"  Jess listened to the silence on the line and spun faster.
"Helllooooooo?"  She took the reciever away from her ear and stared down at
it as if it were about to give birth to kittens.  "Silly silly Bonnie, why
have you left me?" she asked it, before noticing that in her spinning, she'd
accidently unplugged the cord from the desk phone.  She plugged it back in
and started to spin the other way, unwinding herself.  "Meeting with Tserisa
tomorrow at 2?" she asked.

"Okay, thank you," Bonnie said.  Across town from Jess, she scribbled the
appointment down on a post-it note, then stuck the note to the edge of her
computer monitor.

Jess recognized the faint sound of post-its being stuck and slammed the
phone down with a screech.  "Bonnie, Evil Post-it Note Sticker!  Bonnie the
Post-it Noter of Doom!" she muttered to herself.  "Such wickedness will not
go forgotten or unpunished!"

* * * * *

CERK
Tuesday, 2:00 PM

Bonnie (the Pardoe) paused just outside the CERK's lobby.  She readjusted
her clothes, smoothed the few wrinkles from the trip over, then held her
head high.  "Gullible idiocy, hmph!  I'll show him gullible idiocy!" she
declared under her breath as she pushed open the glass door marked CERK and
walked in.  Surprisingly, no one was there... and it was quiet.  Eerily so.
Before her loomed what she thought must be the (abandoned?) Cousinly
Receptionist's desk -- patinaed with a fine layer of post-it notes.

Glorious post-it notes in a rainbow of colors.  Big post-its.  Small
post-its.  Skinny post-its and square post-its.  The Receptionist's station
was a veritable shrine to all things post-it.

Bonnie smiled.  Wide.

Bonnie didn't see Cousinly Leader Tserisa, whom she had earlier arranged to
meet.  Looking around, she made her way over to the desk -- the desk she
would hopefully occupy as future Cousinly Receptionist.  She glanced at the
post-its.  Most seemed to be every day messages: "order analgesics"; "Tser
-- Meet Bonnie (not the Rutledge) at 2pm"; various phone numbers.  A lot of
them seemed to be references to the personality switching problem
("LC/Vachon -- Hot & Cold Water Ineffective! Try Lukewarm!").  Some were
downright strange... "lizard glaring, yak staring", "doom doom de doom doom"
and a shakily scrawled "My toes, my poor TOES!" in bold black Sharpie.

Bonnie jumped when she heard someone clearing their throat behind her.

"Sorry I'm late," the mohawked woman said, smiling apologetically and
extending a hand.  "I'm Tserisa.  You must be Bonnie."  Silently, Tser
cursed.  After Jess had cracked, and been secured (for her own good) in the
Cousinly Padded Cell, Tserisa had meant to clear the Receptionist's desk of
post-its before Bonnie arrived.  She didn't want to scare this lone
applicant off.

Bonnie nodded and shook the Cousinly Leader's hand.  "I'm here about the
Cousinly Receptionist position."

"Yes!" Tser said enthusiastically, then cleared her throat again, trying not
to look too frightening.  "This here is the desk you'd occupy... umm, it's
usually not so messy.  We'd clear it of post-its before you came in to
work...."

"I love post-its," Bonnie said, smiling.  "So convenient and sticky."

"Really?" Tser said incredulously.  "You... like them?"

Bonnie nodded.  Why did people always seem surprised about that?  "They're
on my top ten list of best inventions EVER!  Right up there with hot and
cold running water and indoor plumbing!"

"Well," Tser said, mentally shaking off her amazement, "why don't we go to
my office, and we'll begin the interview."  Like Tser needed to interview
her.  Tser would give Bonnie the job if she had never encountered a computer
in her life and answered the phones by burping God Save the Queen.

"Have you ever worked in reception or as a secretary before?" Tserisa asked
once they were settled.

"No, I must admit that I never have," Bonnie said.  "However, in my job back
in California, I am responsible for creating weekly production schedules as
well as fielding a myriad of phone calls from different groups within the
company, not to mention all the time management which I do nowadays without
even having to think about it!"

Scheduling!  Tser sure could have used Bonnie's time-management skills this
War.  "What experience do you have with computers?"

"I was responsible for the graphic design of my company's website, as well
as having been contracted to create the Ratpack's home page
www.ScreedWasHere.com.  Beyond this, I've done programming of highly
sophisticated DNA synthesizers, not to mention the everyday use of Excel,
Word, Adobe, and the like to manage project data and personnel scheduling."

Tser nodded.  She had seen the Ratpack's home on the web.  Very cheesy.
"What skills would you bring to this position?"

Bonnie looked thoughtful.  "I am able to work independently, but also take
direction very well.  I am can follow established protocol, while at the
same time I'm willing to make
suggestions for changes should I find things not as efficient as the could
be.  Also, I'm adept at writing clear and concise Standard Operating
Procedures.  I live for multi-tasking!"

[Enough questions,] Tser thought.  "You'll love working here," Tser said,
smiling amiably.  [Must enthuse,] she told herself.  "CERK has wonderful
accomodations and top-of-the-line state-of-the-art technology and equipment.
  Rooms are furnished with the finest... um, furniture... and all of those
serving under the General during War are supplied with cell phones, pagers,
laptops, palm computers and so on."

"Post-its?" Bonnie asked.

"Oh yeah! Lots of post-its!" Tser assured Bonnie.  "CERK also has a few rec
rooms, including a Salon and a game room.  As Cousinly Receptionist,
Cerberus would be your superiors, but above all you'd be serving LaCroix."

Bonnie nodded.

Tser stood up and extended her hand.  "You've got the job," she said,
grinning.

"Thank you," Bonnie said, shaking the Cousinly Leader's hand again.  [Wow,
that was easy,] she thought.

"Um, might I ask, though, why exactly you want... well, *this* job?"  Tser
couldn't help it.  Her Cousinly curiousity won out.

"May I be perfectly honest with you?  You see, two wars ago, I was in some
dire straits.  LaCroix -- um, is it better that I call him The General?
Well, he, ah, helped me out.  He took me in, housed me, fed me, clothed me.
He didn't have to.  He just did it.  I'm not sure why, but I feel that I owe
him a great debt because of it.  Christy with the NA suggested that this
position might be just the thing I was looking for, that it might be the
ideal means for me to repay him for all he's done."

"Hmm," Tser said, and nodded thoughtfully.  Tserisa herself felt she owed
the General a debt, though the feeling wasn't as easy to pin down as
Bonnie's.  Tser also filed away the information that Christy was sneaky and
evil.

The Cousinly Leader led Bonnie back out to the lobby, pausing by the
Receptionist's desk.  Jess was utterly mad and the Receptionist's chair was
empty, aside from a post-it note that said "Sit Here".  Tser looked up at
Bonnie (humanoid, not cameloid) hopefully.  "So, Bonnie... when could you
start?"

"Well," Bonnie said, "I don't have any plans for this afternoon.  How about
now?"

Tser grinned.  That was what she wanted to hear.  They wouldn't be without a
Receptionist for any length of time while Jess was tied up (in a
straitjacket), LaCroix wouldn't have the Head of Cerberus' head, and they'd
have someone new and sane to torment and abuse.  "Well, why don't I show you
to your rooms, and then you can start!"  Tser inclined her head towards the
elevator, smiling.

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