Title: What Cousins Do Best (1/3) By Cousin Tok and Cousin Tserisa, with input from Bonnie P. and Shelley Time: Around Noon, Wednesday, July 18th Place: CERK Cousinly Leaders Tok and Tser sat limply in the Cousinly Salon, each half draped over a soft squooshy armchair, dazed looks on their faces. They were silent, staring into the distance. Bratly Cousin Bree wandered in, intent on quenching her thirst at the wet bar and listening to some good music, but paused when she saw the Heads of Cerberus looking like they'd just climbed out of a clothes dryer on spin, run a marathon, taken a timed calculus exam, and forced to listen to Roseanne "singing" the Star-Spangled Banner until they broke. "Hi?" she said inquiringly. The two Cousinly Leaders turned their heads towards Bree slowly, and Tser yawned largely. "Oh hi Bree," Tok said. "What's up?" "Oh, nothing, just getting a drink. You guys okay?" "Yeah," Tser said, and grinned widely. "The War's winding down, LaCroix's back where he's supposed to be, furniture de-plaided, Cousinly Receptionist crisis averted, skunks legalized... I'm *content*. I am *good*." "Just a bit tired," Tok said. "There's still stuff that needs to be done, we're just taking a time out." "Oh," Bree said, and nodded, retrieving her iced tea. "Well, if there's anything you need help with...." "Reeeeally," the two Cousinly Leaders said, suddenly alert. "Oops," Bree said. * * * * * "Hey Bree," Shelley said as she walked past the stumbling Cousin, who was carrying half a dozen restaurant sized cans of tomato juice in her arms. "What're you doing?" Bree tried to peer through the massive cans, but almost tripped on the carpet instead. "Oof, I accidently *volunteered* for something," she grumbled. "I'm supposed to get a tub of this stuff set up so Tok can convince the skunked vampire kitties to take a tomato bath." "Oooh," Shelley said. Too bad she couldn't just *charge* some *new* and unstinky vampire kitties to LaCroix's credit card. Oh well... not everything was that simple. "Where *are* the Cousinly Leaders, by the way?" She wondered if, with the problem of personality switching off the Leader's minds, they might remember her credit transgressions, and had decided to avoid them. "Last I saw," Bree said, staggering off beneath the weight of her burdens, "the Cousinly Salon, relaxing. Slave drivers," she muttered. "Okay, thanks!" Shelley said, grinning. "Have fun!" "Yeah, right," Bree said, manuevering around the corner. Shelley walked into CERK's lobby, adjusting her glasses and tapping out the percussion to the Barney song she was humming with her cane on the granite tile. The new Cousinly Receptionist-in-training, much more alert than Jess had been towards the end, looked up as Cousin Shelley walked in (but it seemed to take effort to tear herself away from gazing lovingly at all the post-its). "Hi," Shelley said, extending a hand to the future babbling insane person. "You must be Bonnie. My name is Shelley... I didn't have time to introduce myself at the party." Bonnie grinned, and took the hand in a firm shake. "It's been pretty chaotic, I know. Hopefully things will settle down soon. It's good to meet you." Shelley just stared at the dark-haired woman for a minute, then burst into laughter. Bonnie looked around, confused, as Shelley wiped tears out of her eyes. "Oh, dear," Shelley said, still chuckling. "That, chaotic? You've never *seen* chaos! Heh. Hmm. Any messages for me?" she asked. Bonnie cleared her throat, wondering at the Cousins' strange outburst. Of course, she'd encountered a lot of strange things since she'd taken up the job at CERK -- the chain-entangled, frenetic ex-Cousinly Receptionist Jess certainly not the least of these. LaCroix, back in his own body, had given the ex-Vaquera/Ratpacker-by-Assosiation an inquiring look when he saw her with the Cousins after the FoD party, but said nothing, which was both a slight disappointment and relief. "No, I don't think so, Cousin Shelley," Bonnie said, rifling through her post-its. She looked up and smiled. "Thanks," Shelley said. Oh good, nothing about the credit card. "I think I'm going to start packing. Almost time for the War to be over," she said sadly, and sighed. "No more attacks. Well, thanks again." She gave the Cousinly Receptionist-in-training a little wave and a smile as she headed for the elevator. Bonnie smiled back, then looked down at the agenda she'd written up on post-its. She had several phone calls to make, a few orders to put through and a couple e-mail notices to send out. Nothing she couldn't handle -- in fact, if anything, the Receptionist job was absurdly simple, and she worried that she might get a little bored. She decided to start with the top of the list of phone calls, and got out a fresh post-it note pad to record notes on. "Order more tomato juice, 30 gallons," she read off the note. "That's a lot of tomato juice," Bonnie mused, but shrugged. It *was* War, after all. She wrote "tomato juice" at the top of note, but the pen quit after the "u". Furious scribbling didn't get the ink flowing again, so she pulled open a drawer to look for a new pen. She stared down into the drawer, brow creased. Now *that* was weird. She picked up the round, black and white plastic skeleton and stared at it. It looked cartoonish, with a lock of white bone "hair" and big, round black eyes. It was almost cute, in a strange, sick way. Bonnie shrugged and set the toy down on the desk, bending down to get the pen out of the drawer. Behind a potted palm, a pair of crazed blue eyes narrowed. Finally, Bonnie reached over to the phone to make the tomato juice order. Just as she was about to pick up the reciever, it rang. "Hello, CERK, Cousinly Receptionist speaking," Bonnie answered. "Oh... you poor thing," said the caller. Bonnie blinked and paused. "May I help you?" she asked, not knowing what else to say. "Yes, I need to speak to a Lucien LaCroix about a suspicious charge." Bonnie had been warned *not* to bother LaCroix unless it was very important, but to take it, if possible, to Cerberus. "Perhaps I can transfer you to my superiors," she said. "No, I need to speak directly to Mr. LaCroix about this. It involves large sums of money and it is very important that I verify this with him." Bonnie waffled for a minute, unsure of the correct course of action. "All right, I'll transfer you," she said finally, then pushed the button to ring up LaCroix's penthouse. "Yes?" LaCroix's voice inquired from Bonnie's phone. "Sir?" she said, speaking to him directly (more or less) for the first time since she'd accepted the job. "There's a phone call for you. The caller says it's very important." "Very well," LaCroix said. "Transfer the call to my penthouse." Bonnie pressed the button to do so and took a deep breath. That had gone well. This job was going to be a cinch. She wadded up an old post it note and aimed to lob the crumpled paper across the lobby to a wastepaper basket she'd placed there. There was no time for Bonns to scream. She was knocked from her swiveling office chair and dragged through a heavy oak door, into the candlelit recesses of the dungeon. * * * * * Tok's desk phone rang, the light blinking indicating it was an internal call... from LaCroix's suite. "Sir?" she answered. "Tok, Tserisa... I would like to speak with you in my office. Bring Cousin Shelley. Immediately." The tone of Lacroix's voice struck fear into the Cousinly Co-Leaders' hearts. "Yes sir. Is there a... problem?" Tok's voice developed an unfortunate squeak by the end of the sentence. The two women exchanged worried glances. "I've just had a most interesting conversation with an official from CanadianExpress about the charges made on my card recently." Tok clicked off the speaker phone and looked over at Tser worriedly. Tser just meeped. They found Cousin Shelley in her room, packing and marched her towards LaCroix's office. When they got there, he was standing outside the door. He arched an eyebrow at the two hapless Cousins, then turned and strode into his office without waiting for them to follow. Which, of course, they did as quickly as humanly possible. Shelley froze at Lacroix's office door, her eyes darting around, looking for escape routes. Tok gave her a shove from behind and the women stumbled up to the desk. Lacroix was at the fax machine, examining a sheet that had just come out. Shelley could see the logo of the credit card company at the top and gulped. As the fax machine continued to spew forth pieces of paper, Tok's eyes grew wide. "Just *how much* did you manage to put on that card?!" she hissed in Shelley's ear. Shelley continued to stare in horrified fascination at the ever-increasing stack of paper. "We're *dead*," Tser whispered. Well, maybe not dead (nothing permanent being allowed in War), but in some serious trouble. "We let you have the card BACK!" The fax machine finally quieted. Lacroix straightened, thumbed through the pages and paused at the final one. "Perhaps you would care to explain *this*?" He handed the sheet to Tok. "Holy sh--" Tok began before Tser clamped a hand over her mouth. "PG War, remember?" Tser accepted the sheet Tok passed to her and took a look at the total on the bottom. "Holy ..." she said before she caught herself. Then she spun and waved the paper in Shelley's face. "What did you think you were doing? Are you *insane*?!" Shelley grabbed the fax page and looked at the truly mind-boggling amount at the bottom. "Ladies," Lacroix said in an eerily calm voice. All three turned back nervously and waited for the other shoe to drop. "The official also told be that they had called Brenda at the Fiendish Glow, and she told them she'd check into it on her end. This was on July 11th. Did either of you," he glared at Tok and Tser, "happen to speak to Brenda that day?" * * * * * Continued in part 2/3. -- Cousin Tserisa & the Cousinly Critters - headpigeons@hotmail.com - Cousin, Ratpacker 8:>X and CaddyWhack FK Stuff: http://geocities.com/tserisa/ CaddyWhacks: http://velvetdragon.com/caddy/