Title: Descentitized (1/1)
By Cousin Tserisa (headpigeons@hotmail.com)
Place: Streets of TO
Time: Sunday, Late Night
      Shortly After "Cousins Le Pugh (1/1)"

Susan used with UFish permission.


Tser sniffled to herself, her nose having long adjusted to her own musky
scent.  She complained to the spotted skunk about the depravities of today's
society and how unfair it was she had to walk home just for expressing
anti-speciesist sentiments.

She picked her way down the dark street, avoiding alleys and unlit areas as
best she could.  It was a set-up. She knew it.  And Tok *wanted* her to get
attacked. Or kidnapped.  Or tickled.  She sniffled, and wiped her eyes on
her Janette-chosen fashionable sleeve.  "No one loves me," she cried.
Spotting a street light, she went and sat on the curb under it.  What was
the point of walking all the way back to the HQ, back to people who didn't
appreciate her or her skunks?

"Hey there," a Brooklyn-accented voice said, approaching from the darkness.
"I think I know that skunk."

Tser sighed, wiping her nose on the fashionable sleeve. She turned and
peered into the shadows from her place in the pool of lamp light, her face
untouched by surprise.  She could barely make out the shadow of a figure in
the darkness beyond.  "Why me?" she said, mostly to herself.

"We met in the Hive kitchen!" the voice said, remembering her encounter with
the spotted beast in the Hive's cooking facilities. "I have to admit, it
gave me a scare," the voice continued.

"Speciesist Unidentified Voice!" Tser declared, rising from her seat on the
curb.

"I'm not speciesist!" the voice declared, and the person owning it walked
into the light.  She was carrying a couple bags of cleaning supplies from an
all-night convenience store.  "I'm just... a little tired, that's all. It's
been a long day, and that skunk caused chaos. My fruitcake went
'ka-blooey'."

Tser recognized the woman as UFer Susan from Julia's birthday party and
groaned inwardly.  "It wasn't the skunk's fault," she said.  Hmm.  Chaos.
Cousinly Skunks indeed.  "He probably didn't know what to do, being
transplanted to a strange Hive like that."

Susan's always positive temper was tested by this attitude. After all, this
was War. Her eyes narrowed.   "And whose fault *was* it?"

Tser swallowed.  "Some... unidentified... someone or other?"

Susan smiled, suddenly feeling much happier about the whole thing. What an
advantageous encounter.  "You're a Cousin, aren't you?"

"I'm... a CaddyWhacker.  A devoted CaddyWhack.  Fan of Nick's Caddy.
Obsesser over all things San Remo Turquoise Poly-colored," she babbled.

But Susan had seen the Cousinly Leader at the party, as well, being given a
legal run-down by Les and some of the others.  This skunk-toting woman was a
Cousin, and she was responsible, in part, for Susan's ruined cake, and the
pervading smell which had taken over the Hive and the fact that Susan had to
break away from the party to ... here Susan smiled as a thought occured to
her ... to get emergency cleaning supplies.

The UFer set the bags on the ground and rummaged through them, coming up
with a bottle of Citrus Clean; extending the handle of a brand-new mop, she
advanced, backing the 1/3rd of Cerberus into the lamp post.

"Oh dear," the Cousinly Leader said.

* * * * * *

After settling the spotted skunk into the Cousinly stables with Xandy and
Lavalianna, Tserisa limped in the doors of CERK, soaked and dripping on the
dark granite tile.  Her mohawk stood up, spiked and damp, a pompom of suds
bobbing on the top.  The thick scent of skunkish musk and lemony-orange
freshness wafted off of her, and Jess immediately pinched her nose, waving
the other hand in front of her face.

"Ew!" she exclaimed, grabbing her Spooky Squeeky Toy [TM] to squeek at the
malodorous Cousinly Leader.  "What'd *you* roll in?"

Tser stared at the squeeking plastic skeleton, her expression blank.

"Hewwo?" Jess said, and waved the toy in front of Tserisa's face.  "Cousinly
Receptionist to Head of Cerberus!  Come in, Head of Cerberus!"

Tser shivered, and a few bubbles floated into the air around her head.
"S.O.S.," she muttered.  "Brillo pads and steel wool.  Mops."

Jess got up and began to circle the obviously "touched" Cousin.  "Soap?" she
inquired.

It had the expected effect.  Tserisa squealed and passed out.

Jess nodded, and scribbled some words on a post-it, wiping off Tser's
forehead and sticking it down firmly.  "Washed Out," she read, grinned, then
trotted off in search of more lively entertainment.

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